Always something new.

Cats. When I was little I always wanted a kitten, but we had dogs and they were old enough that they hadn't learned to deal with cats and possibly never would, so I never had a cat. At the moment I've got two because I'm housesitting. They don't always play nice, and they've taught me a few things in our two weeks together.

1). I think I'd have to start with a kitten. The cats here are lovely, but we have opposite ways of doing things. If I had a kitten to start with, at least we could grow accustomed to each other as we grew up.

2). 5:30am is still a disgustingly early time of day to be awoken when you are least expecting it (and when you have nowhere to be until 10).

3). Cats don't observe time changes and thus will wake you at or by 5:30am after you "fall back" because they are so used to getting up at a certain time.

4). Cats are cute, but their claws are sharp. Affection can be expressed through leg-rubbing and ankle-nipping (often one followed by the other), or through kneading.

5). The WORST way to the awoken at 5:30am your first day with a cat is to be licked right across your right eye.

But really, these cats are pretty good. As I type, Lovely-cat is curled up by my feet and Grumpy-cat is curled up in a basket that really shouldn't be as comfortable as it apparently is. I ought tone add to bed though; I start at 7:30am tomorrow and already know that I will be awake before I have to be. Later 😊

Feel Like a Lady of Leisure

You know those days that just seem to lovely and relaxing? My day started out as one of those, which was lovely. Today I finished physio at 9am (yay, knee swelling is disappearing!); treated myself to coffee at the wonderful Drumroaster where I sat and read for about an hour, also where I spend possibly far too much of my free time; took a quick nap as I didn't go to bed early enough last night; and had a luxurious soak in a tub to ease aching bones. All before noon. Doesn't that just sound like a lovely way to start a day? And not a day too soon, either.

I thought that when I finished with school my schedule would calm down because I would no longer be taking 5-6 classes five days a week, commuting to them, working 20-26 hours over the course of 2.5 days, and still trying to eat, sleep, and be social. Turns out I was wrong? I mean, my schedule isn't too super crazy; I'm only working about 30-45 hours a week between my two jobs, trying to stay fit/build my fitness (hence the reduction of the swelling in my knee), do a bit of freelance work when I can, arrange and create Christmas and birthday presents for the next few weeks/months, help my great-aunt out with her house twice a month (or more as necessary), and get ready to house-sit for six weeks. Oh, and of course be social, eat, sleep, etc. That's not that much, now is it? Especially since I'm trying very hard to save my money.

Have I told you yet, internet? I'm hoping to travel! I'm in the midst of forcing myself to save roughly $10,000 so that I can head over to Europe for what I hope will be about three months of adventure. Three months. Adventure. Doesn't that sound alluring? I think it sounds both totally enticing and exciting, and absolutely daunting; especially as I've never been further away from home than Alberta, where I have tons of family, or California, where I was accompanied by either my parents or teachers/classmates/chaperons. It's not the being alone I think is daunting; I enjoy spending time on my own. Travel arrangements, however? Now those are a daunting idea. Mostly because I'm just in the very basic and rough planning stages. 

Anyhow, I'm off to waste about 4 hours before I go off to work, so I'll try to keep you updated? I always say that sort of thing, don't I? Oh dear, I fear I'm not very good with this whole "keep people people informed" thing. Hm. If you are inclined to Tumble, you can follow my adventures (reblogs, basically) on Tumblr if so inclined? Just here then. Otherwise, I guess I'll leave you with a few images of my misadventures since fall started. 

Breakfast for one :)

Sending letters to some lovely ladies

Homemade pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving! First attempt went well :)

I live in a gorgeous area, by the way. 

Old skating props are always a good way to provide light. Careful, this lantern gets HOT! :)

Posted a day after writing. Again.

I think blogging from work may become a regular thing if I keep working these awkward shifts; there's about an hour in the afternoon where there's nothing to do. I've cleaned all I can clean, updated the records, worked out, and have no clients. Therefore I can, without guilt, type myself up a nice little update on life if I wish to. So, shall I?

Like I said before, I just graduated (YES!) and now it's back to working a bunch and having no plan. However, I sort of do have a plan. Like I mentioned before, I'm hoping to travel. I'm looking at April-May of next year, for both months, and I'm hoping to hit areas in England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, France, and Italy. We'll see how this goes; I may have to cut one country, or extend/shorten my trip, depending on income levels. My savings goal for this trip is about $6000, but if I end up with more money that would be excellent. So far my main incomes are my two part-time jobs, and then this fall I'm house-sitting for roughly 2 months, so that should help out. I'm also starting to slowly accumulate supplies. I have been told that I can borrow a pack from a few different people, so there's no worry about that. For my birthday last week I was gifted a lovely omni-heat, water-resistant/proof jacket that is lightweight and easy to carry, and for grad I received a fantastic iPad, so now I will be able to keep in touch. My main goal now is just to save, save, save. And plan.

I know what countries I want to see, and I have some rough ideas of what cities I want to go to, but is there anywhere in particular I should not miss out on? Having never been further East than Alberta and only as far South as California, I'm not well travelled by any means. I anticipate a huge learning experience, some personal growth, and a wonderful experience; now I just need to figure out exactly where I want to go. Any help?

There's that, then

When I was younger I always had a plan for my future. At first, I was going to be a hairdresser and a waitress, then I wanted to teach. I thought about going into law, and then I came back to the idea of teaching. As it turns out, having a plan is all well and good, but sometimes you have to smash the plan to pieces a little bit. 

I've just graduated University (on Thursday, actually), and I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be. I didn't get a degree in Education, and I'm not moving into Law school in September. Actually, I'm not sure of what I want to do; I didn't even graduate with the degree that I went into school to get in the first place (I have a BA now, not a BSc). For now, I'm hanging out here, at home, and working two part-time jobs, just like I was when I was in school. What this has left me with, then, is a lot of free time; time that I'm not used to having. At first I felt lost; what do people do with all this time, and how do I fill it? But now, I'm starting to get used to it. 


Because I'm saving up for a trip (oh yeah, I want to travel next Spring), I'm trying not to spend too much money. Instead of going shopping I've been attending a Jazzercise class (early birthday present from Mama, and I'm hooked!) and volunteering with a local Historical Society, just doing odd jobs. And you know what? This not having a firm plan, and not being super pressured to do too much is really nice. I don't think I can keep it up forever (I'll have to start a career of some sort one day), but for now it's really nice to be able to sit back when I want to, have a cup of tea, and read a book. Or, if I want to, to spend a few hours doing some typing, or volunteering. I'm still keeping my eyes open for more (local) work, but these days who isn't? 
The point is, I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing, but for the first time I don't have any fully fledged ideas of my future, and I'm enjoying it. I'm doing what makes me (mostly) happy, and things are starting to look and feel bright again.


Also, if anyone happens to know where Summer is, could you please usher is over here for us? Our little Island would like to partake in Summer, sunshine, and a little bit of heat one day. 

Well I'm (obviously) not doing BEDA

Actually, even though I'm not doing BEDA I'm still managing to do an April challenge. This time it's a photo everyday in April that I'm doing over on Instagram and my tumblr, and I'm really enjoying it. I'm absolutely no great shakes at photography, and I find myself on occasion having to scramble to complete my challenge (like today: stairs. I used the steps when i got home because I never got to the staircase I wanted to photograph on campus today) sometimes, but it's good fun. Other than that, what's April brought?

Well, exams. I've just finished my final first final as an undergrad (about 5 hours ago, but y'know), and now I'm prepping for my second, which is my Transnational Canadian Literature final. Isn't that a slightly pompous sounding title? Well, the class has actually been pretty much fascinating, and it has certainly been a lot to wrap my head around, which was neat. Actually, all of my classes have been like that.

Today I wrote my Anglo-Irish Lit final, and even though I knew what the questions were going to be when I went in, I was still blown away by the actual exam writing. Normally my in-class essays for exams are about 6-7 pages long, right? Well, I churned out 11 pages per essay, which to me is quite a bit. Then a group of us went for drinks, were joined by the professor, had more drinks, ate some food, and generally hung out. I came home after this, but I believe everyone else went downtown (I know, lame little me. I had to drive the 'hat, alright? And I have an exam tomorrow I needed to study for more. That's a thing I need to do, okay?). Post-exam drinks are a good thing, but I always leave them feeling like post-first-lecture drinks need to be a thing too because then you'd meet all these awesome people at the start of a course, not the end. So, future students, you should make this happen.

Like I said, tomorrow I write Transnational Canadian Lit at 2, which should be alright? It's 2.5 hours long and split into 10 terms to define and discuss and one essay question, equally weighted. If I've studied my terms right I should be able to split my time evenly (75 minutes per section) and still do alright. I hope. Then, I work all weekend (of course, haha), spend Monday studying, and on Tuesday I write my North American Indigenous Literature final exam, which is a multiple choice exam of about 90 minutes. This one I'm a tad nervous about simply because I read quite a bit for this course and even though it's multiple choice, it can still get confusing; there were a lot of different characters in each book, and all the themes were different. Ah well, can't get it all perfect, but I can certainly try! So I've been reviewing the scant notes I have from that class (because a large portion of the class was discussion based I have few notes) and compiling a list of characters. Then, my final final as an undergraduate is next Saturday from 7pm-10 pm (because there always has to be one, right?), and it's for my BC Lit course, which is I believe based upon representations of British Columbia in Canadian Literature. In this class we've talked a lot about sense of place, which has been neat because I'm from BC and I recognize most of the places mentioned in the Literature. This exam is a three part, three hour exam with an essay, some quote identification/discussion, and a terms definition section as well. Looking at the outline I was given, it sounds like a gigantic exam. However, I'm sure it'll work out alright and then afterwards I believe we're going for drinks again (at least that's what was suggested during our last class together).

From this long-winded digression into examination topics and courses, it sounds like I go out a lot what with the post-exam drinks. In fact though, the opposite it true. I don't normally go out, and when I do it's not normally for drinks, and it's not normally with a big group of people; exams just seem to be the time to like, do that. I'm not going out after Indigenous Lit because it's a 9am exam and I have to work in the afternoon (plus drinking at 10:30 is not really a thing I've ever done), but tomorrow I may be going to a friend's place to watch me some Doctor Who with two of the girls? :)

Other than exams, this month just brings a missing (I really DO need to see Reni again, "I has a missing"), more job hunting (oh yeah, I'm graduating this year. Exciting, huh?), and working. Work, work, work. Mmmn, and catching up on some sleep and television. Mostly sleep though; I've found that I miss sleep. Which, coincidentally, is where I'm now headed. Off to sleep. :-)

G'night moon, and stars; sky and internet; and all those out there who wander along with us. May the morrow bring you brightness, joy, and light.

I Wrote Some Words

I wrote some words,
On a page,
And I kind of think you'll like them,
But I'm scared.

It's not your judgement,
Or your praise;
Not your queries,
Nor your raves that I require.

No, it's your truths.
Do you like them,
Do they work?
Are the words what you wanted?

When I put them down, all I could think;
All I could wish, hope, and dream
Was that you would tell me the truth.

Do my words make sense;
Do they sit in the right order;
Are they colourful, bright, and stunning;
Or are the plain, dead, and dull?

Don't lie to me,
It won't hurt me
If you tell me the truth.

These words, they're mine,
They're a story I'm trying to tell,
and even if you don't like it I want to know.

I want you to tell me if my story hurts you,
If it makes you cry,
If it makes you laugh.
I want you to tell me who, what, where, and why
You've read my story.

Why; why do I seek your truths,
Not your kind words or your lies?
Because this story is mine,
It's the truth of my life.

And if you lie about what you think of it,
You lie about what you think of me.
Is my life so far rubbish;
or have I made a difference?
Do you love me, hate me,
Maybe feel indifferent?

Please, just tell me,
I want to know.
I seek you out, I call to you,
To ask.

There, see, now we've met.
You've read my story,
I'll read yours if you like,
But tell me, what do you think?

Am I worth it;
This time you've taken,
This story you've read,
Was it worth it?

The life of this person,
Their time here on Earth,
Was it worth it;
Or was it just another life,
Indiscernible from the rest,
Insignificant and short.

Tell me, and I'll tell you:
Every life has merit,
Every life has drawbacks,
But every life is unique.

We think,
We see,
We move, we do.
We all effect each other,
And we're all significant.

And so here,
Take these words,
I wrote them on this page.
Take them, share them, hold them,
And think.

In your hands you hold a life;
My life.
Please, be nice to it,
But if you don't like it,
Say so.
You won't hurt me,
I'm not made of glass;
I'm paper and ink,
Flesh and Blood,
And I'm living with you.

Even when I'm gone,
I'll be with you.
My story, it goes on,
And so long as you hold on,
So do I.
 - My original composition, I Wrote Some Words, Feb 2012.

Here's a little rough draft of some random poetry that I'm doing. It's something that popped into my head while I was writing part of a story, and I just thought I'd share for now. Any thoughts? 

Someone once told me that it takes a certain type of person to write, but the more I think about this the less I believe it. Yes, it seems to take a literate person to write unless they're copying something and don't understand it, but that's not the point. To me anyone can write, some are just better at it than others. Just like some people have better resumes or better interview skills or are better at sports, some people are better writers. For me, it depends on my mood. Tonight (this morning?) I write in a slightly disappointed, pensive mood. I didn't get accepted into the WDW CRP thing I applied (and interviewed!) for, so I'm trying to figure out my future.

Next year was supposed to be my time to do that - look into some internships, meet new people, have a ton of fun, etc - so now I have to find a new way to do that. Should I travel? Ought I to stay where I am and just research the year away, trying to figure out what to do with my life? Should I go to grad school? And most of all, what do I want to spend the rest of my life doing?

This last question is a question I'm not sure we can ever truly answer, because not only does the world continue to change, but we are forever changing and evolving, so we're forever changing our minds and discerning a new path for ourselves. With this new path comes new options, and new doorways that we may never have thought existed. Example: two years ago I was on track to graduate this year with a BSc and then I was going to go on and get my BEd and teach. Since then, I've completely changed my major; I'm now getting a BA instead of my BSc, and I'm going to have a major in English instead of Biology (can't tell by the way I type, can you?). I'm also not going straight into a BEd program like I originally thought I would. Instead, I'm drifting. I don't know what I want to do, and with this program falling through, I kind of feel like I don't know where I want to go. Should I apply again, or should I just leave it? Oh well.

I'm sure I'll figure something out, but I really started this entry because I just needed to write. Like I said, everyone can write (given exceptions, as above). I write when I need to; sometimes it doesn't make sense, sometimes it's really depressing, sometimes it's overly happy. Tonight, I think I just need to write, to sort things out, and to put words to paper so that I can sort through my emotions. The emotions I'm feeling aren't new, they're just... Complicated. They're not the things I'm used to feeling well up, and they're not the type of thing that just goes away, they're the type of emotions you work through. Sure, I'm disappointed; I really did want to do this program, it sounded like so much fun, everyone at the interview was super nice, and I absolutely adore Disney. However, life moves on. I can't continue to live in the past because the past, present, and future all play into each other and if I get stuck in one the others become stuck as well, and the last thing I want is to be stuck in a negative frame of mind right now.

The question is, which direction should I go? "Is there anybody out there" that can help me? (Also, if I do go to Grad school, what should I do? What do you suggest I do without Grad school when I'm done my degree?)

Sleep tight lovelies, everything will look brighter in the morning :-)

Nerves? Nerves.

So, I'm nervous. I don't know about you, but when I'm nervous I have a series of things I do.
First, I eat. Too much. I guess I over eat.
I also have a tendency to analyze whatever it is that's making me nervous, and every little detail about it. Really, this only serves to make me more nervous. I do it anyways.
After I eat too much, I don't eat. Like, I don't have much of an appetite for anything but junk food, which I therefore try to avoid (knowing it'll make me feel gross later if I eat too much, and also because really the last thing I need is to eat junk food).
I seek constant re-assurance. If you're one of the people I turn to, I'm sorry. I can't seem to help it, I get over stressed and nervous and need to be assured that I'm doing the right thing. I'm sorry.
I apologize. A lot.
I try to wear myself out by piling up work and exercise, which often creates more stress and nerves. You'd think that I would learn my lesson, hey?
I listen to music.
I attempt to doodle, although anyone that knows me knows I can't draw.
I sleep. Sometimes.
I stay up late doing basically nothing on the internet or watching movies from when I was a kid.
I read. Preferably not school material, but because of the time of year in which I usually become nervous or stressed, it's normally school material.
I write.
I type. Which is what I'm doing now...
Nerves and stress for me seem to go hand-in-hand, which I think is sort of normal. That twisting of your stomach, slightly uneasy, twitchy feeling where the tension you're holding in your back makes you want to cry? yeah, that. I get that when I get stressed and nervous. Oh well, c'est la vie, oui?
I'm heading off to be so that I can get up at 8, work for 5 hours, come home and make sure I've packed all I need, and head for a ferry. Ah. Nerves. G'night!

Alright, so it's January. What does January bring with it? Well, for one thing it brings a whole package of new books that need to be read, deciphered, thought over, and further dissected. This is alright. I will get through this (I hope). January also brings with it the promise of a new year, a new chapter in life to hold on to and cherish, even if for a while. This last few months were hard. Deaths and sickness in my family, stress, and a few other things all piled up to put my emotions off the scale and turn me into a bit of a mess. Since it's January though, and a new year, I have the time to (sort of) sort things out and provide myself with closure.


There are many ways I'm providing myself with closure, but that's not the only thing I'm striving for. I'm hoping for a bit of relaxation over this year, hopefully for at least a week when I'm finished with my degree (I know, I've made a funny. Spare time and relaxation? me?), and I'm hoping to find time and a way of seeing more of my friends and keeping the friends that I've made through school. No dropping of the map as we graduate, okay? No promises, but I'll try if you will! My final bit of closure is on its way.

Next month, I'm heading to the mainland for something that I've told some people about. I actually tried to keep it a secret for a few months, but now I think the vast majority of people know why I'm tripping out to the mainland for roughly 24 hours in the week when all my papers seem to be due: I've an interview with Disney. Nothing big, just an interview working in merch/food and beverage/attractions at WDW for a year. However, I'm excited. So, I've been traveling down this road for about 4ish months: I applied in September. Next month it all comes to an end and I get my closure: I either get the job, am put on a waiting list until a position becomes available, or I don't get the job and move onto a year of working my butt off and hopefully traveling. Either way, I'll get closure.

The next few months are going to be a whirlwind of things, but as everything becomes a little bit tidier in some respects, I know messes will develop elsewhere. I'm just trying to sort life out and keep going, like everyone else.

Here's to a new year, new experiences, and maybe a few new messes!